with.your.eyes.open

To all my friends, whom I've never had the pleasure of meeting in real life, I hope you had the most amazing night and day. I hope you enjoyed dinner with friends and family, and did absolutely nothing productive today. *g*

Huggles you all tight, me.

You know what happens when you stopped doing regular workout on March and then tonight you decide that you feel "heavy" and you might have put on a few pounds (you haven't touched a scale since way before March) and you figured today is a good day to start workout as any?

Yes, 42 minutes later (amazingly good, Perfect in ten: Abs and Lower body, 10 minute work out -- that's actually 42 -- EVERYONE SHOULD BUY IT!) everything hurts. Your toes hurt. Your legs and arms have stopped feeling anything at all about five minutes ago and have gone deep in NUMB and if that wasn't enough? Yes, you feel bone tired.

And yet... it's strangely good. And energizing... I had almost forgotten how good PAIN can feel like. No, really. Everyone that's stopped going to gym for a while and then gone back again remembers this feeling. God, I love gyms, but they are way too expensive for me and this 42 work out that I can do BEFORE MY COMPUTER it's just PERFECT.

I've gotten hold of about 10 work out videos, and yes, a few of Pilates and Yoga, and though they aren't my cup of tea, I'm certainly going to try them one more time to see how they go. But this one? Oh, this one is MY ULTIMATE FAVORITE. It has everything I have ever loved of working out. Without the machines! I just need this video and Tanna actually doing THE WORKOUT WITH ME and I'm set. Totally.

Wanna bet I lose a few pounds before the end of the year? And for that alone, I'm totally gonna go buy myself a scale tomorrow. I am, because I need to know how heavy I am right now and how much I can lose before 2010. I knew this was gonna be a good year... it just took a little time for it to become true. *g*

Today is my 8th anniversary. Eight years with the guy I've loved for a just a little over that... it's great, it should be great, at least. Only it's not. He's in stupid Sevilla and I'm at home and it's not great at all.

I'm fine, most of the time, 95% of the time I'm fine with the distance, I can take it, I'm strong. But. And here is when it gets weird and I get all girly on you. Sometimes it's not. Like today. I call him bright and early to tell him "Happy Anniversary" and he was more asleep than awake. He told me how he's kinda getting the flu and then I ask him what he's doing later, and he says, "I'm going out with my girl," and, I know him, he was telling it in jest but it kinda cut to the bone. We are not on the same zip code to even try to go out on a date. We can't go out to the movies as usual, we can't go out to a nice dinner afterwards. We can't do anything, and that's just a little bit painful.

I'm moping, yeah. I think I've got a bit of a right.

I'm so not liking this anniversary...

So, I just got back from picking up my new set of lenses. The one I had, I bought them back in October or November of 2007. So, almost two years. And back in June I bought a new set of contact lenses, after renewing my prescription. And now I've got the new set of lenses with the brand new prescription. I can barely see. No, really. Everything is moving and apparently that's because I'm even more of a bat lately. Crap. Almost two years and I'm going blinder! Dude. I can't read the big E.

I CAN'T READ THE BIG E. NO, FOR REAL.

*grumbles* My gran got herself glasses as well and she can read the fifth line. ALL BY HERSELF. DUDE. NO FAIR!!! *cries*

And I'm pretty sure feeling blind was what got Shadowboxing started. *shrugs*

PEOPLE!!!!

NCIS!!!!

PEOPLE!!!!!!!

Okay, so it's got another twenty minutes to go before I can find out what the heck happened last night. Yes, I KNOW!!!

Nevermind that. I totally forgot to post how the finale totally killed me. Because not only did Gibbs kinda had to choose -- AND HE TOTALLY CHOSE TONY!!! -- but then the mere finale, the whole Ziva in that place and the picture and then the collar!!! The Star of David!!! DUDE!!!!

Yes, all better now. *g*

Oh, and on another note, did EVERYONE know that Playgirl is no longer a magazine, but you can check it out online? I DIDN'T!!!! Apparently February this year was their last issue. Oh, well. I never bought it. No, really. I did click for the website and there were pictures. Of boys. TOTALLY BARE ASS NAKED!!!!

I know, I'm being an idiot. But dude. The only boy I've seen naked is my boyfriend and he's familiar to me like myself, so it's not like I have much for comparison. I'm totally sending that link to a friend of mine who needs it like you need air to breathe. *nods* Poor thing keeps complaining that peruvian guys are short compared to the americans she knew way back when. *shrugs* I'm happy with my peruvian guy, so, yeah. *giggles*

Apparently, I'm writing. No, really. I am! Not only I finished a story that had been sitting in my HD for almost eight months (it only needed half a scene, but I FINISHED IT so it totally counts) but I'm also working on the bitter!Ryan story. Turns out, Ryan, is managing to tune down his bitterness.

Also, I've gotten so used to posting through the web (www.livejournal.com/update), because for the past year my computer couldn't handle semagic anymore that now I don't know if I want/need a program anymore. Hmm.

What else?

Oh, I'd love to be linked some, at least one, challenge community that's still taking people in, just to jump start my muse.

I'm considering that for this year's NaNo I'll try to start/finish the Endless sequel. And yes, I know what you're all going to say. A Shadow Across (not to even say of Sullen) is still in the back burner. ASA has totally killed me and I know I need only three more chapters (if I want I could even finish it where it is right now, but that would totally SUCK and I don't want it to suck) for a semi decent ending, but about God knows what else to give it an ending like Shadowboxing. But then again, Shadowboxing killed me ten ways from Sunday, you know? A 100K story will do that to you.

What else? Nothing else, I think. *g*

I'm finally going over my Friends' page. OHMYGOD THE JOY!!!!

PEOPLEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAVE BOUGHT MY BRAND NEW COMPUTER!!! YES!!! CORE2QUAD, 1 TERABYTE HD, 4GB RAM... GOD! I'M IN LOVE!!!!

I'm gonna start passing everything from the other computer here, and that's gonna take forever, so I should be all installed tonight!

I CAN SIGN ON AIM! I CAN SIGN ON MSN! GOD!!!!!! YES!!!!

Well, I'm at campus, in the waiting room of the Dean's office, waiting for my sentence. Okay, so it's not a sentence, it's more like he will decide if everything I went through with the eviction and the moving is grounds enough not to be kicked out of school. I'm more than a little bit scared to tell you the truth, and surrounded by people scared of their minds. It's fitting in a way.

Last night, more like early this morning, I dreamt that I was on campus today but the alarm I had put on the cellphone about this meeting didn't ring, and I totally forgot and didn't remember until almost 5pm, how about that? Petrified much? Oh, well. We'll see what happens.

Still scared out of my mind. Let you know what happens afterwards.

Edit: Okay, I should have done this hours ago, and I'm really sorry about that. Well, so this is how it happened. One of the secretaries came out and read a list of eleven names. I was amongst them. We were brought to a room were the Dean said that he had gone over our information and because of our reasons or how few subjects we need to graduate, he had accepted our stay in school. I'm staying. God. *sighs* Miracle of miracles, huh? So, I'm safe.

Now... well, now I just gotta study and actually pass that stupid subject, right? Yes!

I should be writing, I know. I also know I should be doing something other than wallowing in depression, I know that too.

And on top of that, I sure as hell shouldn't be getting into fights with Jose, again. He goes on and on about how he's in the gym (been there for four months) and how he went on Wednesday and checked his weight but then he missed Thursday and Friday and he never goes during the weekend and when he checked again on Monday, he'd put on a whole two pounds. Oh my god! *scowls* He said he weighted himself on Tuesday and he'd lost about 300 grams and then again on Wednesday.

Okay, who the hell is that guy that's definitely not my boyfriend? I don't mind him being in the gym, or taking care of himself. I mind his psychosis about weight and how he never used to do that and I most definitely mind that the one that got him hooked at it was Leslye, one of his roommates, and how he says stuff like, "Oh, Leslye taught me how to cook this," or "Oh, this came from Leslye's recipe of light cooking" and stuff like that. I know I'm jealous of her, I'm very aware of it. He's spent a year of his life living with her, I get it, doesn't mean I can't be mad about it.

I don't care if I'm not making any sense. I don't care at all. He has been an ass to me countless of times and it was always me who called him, with the tail between my legs, like it was my fault. This time I'm not. This time I'm holding off. This time I won't call him.

I have no idea how, but I won't.

And now, just because I'm pissed off, I'm killing Ryan, damn it.

I know I haven't been online as much as I said I was going to be, but it's been kind of weird. I still haven't gotten over what happened with school. I have my good days and then those that I feel like I could get into my bed and not come out for a week. *shrugs* School started today and I wasn't there. That doesn't help either.

Nevermind.

Two very quick comments. One, nothing makes me want to write more than Queer as Folk. I'm not even sure why. Is it because the love is canon? And so is the sex? Maybe. Or maybe the age difference that totally reminds me of what I was aiming for in Endless, or mostly for the sequel I never got to finish. *g*

And two, I've been catching up with NCIS, I'm up to 6x18, and boy do I miss the stories. mylogiceatsyou has always been my fountain for NCIS recs and I'm hoping she'll deliver again. Anything you want, but you know my poison. Tony hurt/comfort and I'll be a happy camper. In 3x18 Tony gets shot at (well, they all do) and I kept thinking, "what if". I'm a lover of what ifs. No wonder "Too Much" came out of my sick sick brain. *g* Tony! Suffer!!!!! Anything, darling? *bounces*

Off now. Promise to start planning to write tomorrow. Promise, promise, promise!!!!

Because it's not like my life got so much better in so little time... Shit. Nevermind.

( Cut because it gets personal and I get bitchy. Nothing new. )

And about an hour later...

Jose called. Yeah. Sometimes I even wonder why I bother being mad at him. We're gonna talk and we're gonna fix things, one way or the other. It's more like he said that he wasn't picking up because he knew that if we talked so soon after the fight, we were just going to fight more. Okay, not utterly wrong. I asked him if he had turned off his cell phone and he said no. Usually, I'd believe him, but I'm not so sure. Hmmm.

We talked. He said he didn't understand why I got mad. I told him that the least he could do is respect the moments we have together. He said he just felt asleep. I asked him to apologize. He said he didn't see the reason to apologize for being tired and falling asleep. It's not that! It's the "forgetting about me" part that pisses me off. Besides, it happened to me a couple of times, falling asleep and either not calling him or not meeting him online and when I did call, he'd just get all mad at me and say, "why can't you put on an alarm, huh, is that so difficult?" Exactly. I told him the same. He could have been more careful.

Oh, well. We kinda just left it there and agreed to meet at four this afternoon. Lets see what happens. *grumbles*

Slowly getting better...

No, really.

The thing is, what happened, happened. I mean, I can't change that we were forced to leave the house in a matter of three hours. I can't change that all our things were piled up on the street. I can't change that we ended up putting everything in Mrs. Maritza's shop. I can't change that we didn't even know where our clothes were. That we spent days and days sorting out everything. That my underwear was packed in my pillow case or most of my clothes wrapped up in my sheets and comforter, left on the ground for an hour. It happened. And my parents needed me, needed my time, when I should have, in a way, spent it studying. I spent days, like, 20 in total probably, going to Mrs. Maritza house to sort everything out and put in boxes and moving our furniture and totally killing my back. I moved the washer myself. I moved this huge ass dresser myself. I moved everything I had move, and climbed on top of the furniture to get to more boxes and to eliminate as much as we could with as little space as we had. I had to.

I'm telling myself this, because this wasn't something I could have prevented. I missed classes because I was needed there, because otherwise nothing would have gotten done because my mom is 57 years old and it's not like she could have moved it all. If I flunked because of that, because half the semester I was more focused on the furniture, on the ones we had to eliminate and then by mid April Mrs. Maritza's husband was saying that we needed to needed to move our things, that we had been there long enough (not even a month had gone by, but nevermind, we did it). I don't know if I mentioned this, but by mid April we started looking for a storage to put our things. The thing is, over here, storage units aren't as popular as in the States. It's certainly not even close to how you see on the tv. Here, the people that rent space, it's either their garage, or one room in their house. My mom didn't want to rent either, afraid that our meager things would get stolen and we'd have no way to replace them. At the end, thank god, the place we were staying at (the small two bedroom apartment, all furnished, sent from HEAVEN!) had one room their weren't using and we could. It was perfect. So we had to move everything, again. We had to get all our things four stories up, again. It was yet another weekend from hell, but we did it.

See? Time just kept on flying by through me, and the more I told myself, I'll study this afternoon, tomorrow, the less time I ended up having.

And if that wasn't enough, my aunt, my mother's sister in law, who we PAY to stay with my gran (she's 85 yo, there's no way we're leaving her alone, ever!) got sick and had to go to the hospital for check ups and she couldn't come to watch my gran, so my mom and I would trade places, like, I'd stay home at morning, have lunch with her, and then my mom would arrive from work and I could go to school. That happened all the way to finals.

It's not like I didn't study because I was too lazy or anything. I truly had so much going on in my mind, you know?

And I'm telling you all this, because in a way, I'm telling myself. It's embarrassing as hell, yes, but the reason I got eliminated was because of that. Shit happened, and I had to take care of. I couldn't not do it, without letting my parents down. I just wanted you all (and me) to know that. *nods*

People!!!!

I've moved!!! I have internet!!! I have cable!!! I have a phone numbER!!!! I have INTERNET!!!!!

/dies

Yes! We did the actual moving (about 50 boxes and way too many furniture) on Wednesday, and then it was supposed to be "just a few more things" on Thursday, but a few ended up being one too many. God, by the time everything was in the apartment, we barely fit. No, not kidding. The first thing my gran said was "it's too small". Well, if you used to have a dinning room table (that we totally didn't bring with us) that used to sit 12, and she was used to that, of course it felt "too small". But it's JUST RIGHT. *nods*

Now I have internet connection, though I'm keeping that "on the down low". Why? Because I've spent the last four day moving boxes and then opening boxes and then moving them some more and then trying to select what I'm keeping and what I'm not, mostly because I can't fit much in my bedroom and because we didn't have the time or the space to select before. And I know that if I tell Jose that I finally, after four months, have an internet connection and a bedroom with a door that latches, he's gonna want to get a "digital getdown", if you catch my drift. *winks* And truth is, at this point? I'm just way too tired for anything, you know? So, yeah. I'm back! TMI and all!!!! *g*

Now, off to bed. God, I can't believe the weekend is over! We spent the weekend cleaning house, damn it! *falls asleep on keyboard*

Okay, so... I'm still alive. Yes, still. Life without internet sucks a**. Totally. *grumbles* It's not nearly as fun as having internet and being able to watch shows and having livejournal. I swear to you all.

So far, what I've been up to is studying. Studying my ass off because for reasons unknown to me, I have sucked at Concrete this semester. Nevermind how much I studied, I couldn't seem to finish the tests or even come close to mid test. I was just too freaking slow! Nevermind that. Now, I'm totally kicking ass. I've studied for fourteen days straight and thought of nothing but CONCRETE. I've even dreamt about my teacher, Ottazzi, and him saying weird stuff, like he knew I needed a very high grade and he knew I could do it, something weird like that.

What else? Oh, yeawh...

WE FINALLY MOVE NEXT WEEK!!! ONE WEEK!!!! PEOPLE!!!!! OHMYGOD!!!!! /DIES

I'm so excited IT'S NOT EVEN PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE!!! IT'S AMAZING. ONE FREAKING WEEK!!!!

It has been hell, not only emotionally, but also finantially for us to go through all that, and then have to rent this other place for the FOUR FREAKING MONTHS we've been there. I was supposed to move by the beginning of semester. My last final is this Friday. We move next Wednesday. Yep. That's right. I will have finish the semester when we move. Go figure.

Furniture gets moved on Wednesday, I start full day work on Thursday, and from then on you'll be hearing from me daily (or at least way more than now), because I'll have INTERNET ACCESS!!! And I should be getting my new computer that weekend, and internet connection and phone and cable as soon as humanly possible.

I wanted to say a few more things, but truth is I'm really tired, so you'll hear from me on Thrusday at the very least!!! *nods*

See ya!

Still here, still alive... still moving on July 15th, hopefully. *g*

Not having internet still totally sucks.

Another quick question. Does anyone know where I can find good books to, you know, download? *g*

Thanks!

Very quick post. I've been trying to find Infection by Scott Sigler (and the sequel, Contagious), but I can't seem to find anywhere. Hmm, does anyone know where I could find it. I tried bookz as a channel, but can't seem to log into the server. *shrugs*

Help? That book is really, REALLY begging to be read. *nods*

Thanks!

ps: Still busy as hell, still without internet. Hmm. Moving day is STILL on July 15th, so YAY FOR THAT. *g*

I miss my pre-moving life. I do.

Things are starting to get... tricky, to say the least. New moving day is July 15, I've already mentioned that, but four months in a rented apartment while still paying the new one is starting to take a toll on all of us. We're running out of money. Very very literally and very real. *sighs* Oh, well. Things will happen the way they have to happen and we'll stretch everything as far as it can take and a little bit more. I'll probably comment more once I get my internet connection back, and that should be the weekend after the 15th, *nods*

What else? Well, midterms were given back and I rocked Earthquake Engineering but they totally caught me with my pants down in Concrete. I have no idea what happened. I was so sure... nevermind. All I can do now is keep on studying and try to get a Hail Mary pass my way, you know? It won't be easy, but then again my life doesn't tend to be easy. Hell, life itself is not supposed to be easy, I think. What I hate the most is that I feel so stupid afterwards, you know? I can't believe that I studied that much and it didn't pay off. I don't get what went wrong.

I have faith, though. It's the final that will rule out at the end, and I wanna believe I can rock that one, even if I don't have the best record when it comes down to finals. But I can do it. I have to do it. That, and I know the teacher is known to take pity on us poor mortals that are taking the subject for the third time. So, yeah. I totally welcome that pity. *nods*

Anyway. What else? I wanna write Kirk/Spock but I'm holding back because, god, dude, there's just so much I don't know, you know? I haven't gotten far with TOS, I'm stuck in the first chapter, but I wanna push through mostly because I can almost see Pine and Quinto in the back, as the boys, you know? *sniff* And the fic is just killing me. It's such a prolific fandom, you know? That's what takes my breath away.

PS: E, sorry I haven't gotten around to answer your two emails. I hate not having internet! *sniff*

Also, I was a little bit too late for the sentence fiction challenge, and I'm hoping *crosses fingers* people drop out at the last minute and I can do some back up writing. It's just what I need, you know? THAT PUSH! *nods*

Oh, and...

WHEN IS STAR TREK COMING OUT IN DVD!?!?!?!?!?!!!!

*sniff* I want a not sucky version so I can totally drool over my boys!!!! *sniff*

Today there was supposed to be a trip to Ticlio that was supposed to leave at 7 am. It's 9 and we are still here. I going not as a student but as a TA and the teacher, my friend Viviana is going out of her mind with anger. We needed one bus for 45 people and instead we got 2. The thing is she was going to explain stuff on the way and it's not like she can be in 2 places at the same time, you know?

We are still waiting!!!

Damn it! I could have slept 2 more hours.

And how are you all?

Ps: I still miss my internet connection. My Blackberry rocks but it's so totally not the same thing. Moving day is on July 15. Hopefully.

DUDEEEE!!!!!!!!

So, left the campus and met with my mom and we went and saw Star Trek! I'd put a tag here if it wasn't for the fact that the movie premiere, I think, over a week ago and I just might the only loser who hasn't seen it yet. *nods*

IT WAS FREAKING AMAZING!! God, I can't remember the name of the actors (the guy from Heroes!!!!!!) but the cast was really something. Spock was played, well, I'd say perfectly, but I never did saw the original Star Trek. I'm more of an Enterprise, the Next Generation kinda gal. Picard!!! *nods*

So, I googled the names and Zachary Quinto (what an ugly last name, a guy named that is in the Footing Engineering class I supervise and I don't really like him) was really amazing as Spock. Each time they did a close up of him I couldn't stop from blowing kisses at him! He was so cute! HIS EARS!!!! HIS POINTY EARS!!!!! (and he so reminded me of John Sheppard! Sheppard!!!!!)

*sniff*

Lovely. I do gotta say that I didn't like the girl at all. Hmm. Uhura or something like that? I don't care for the actress, never really have, but the character herself... even my mom didn't like her, and she wasn't seeing the slash like I was. *nods* Though I did say, "She shouldn't be there. The guys have to fall in love," and my mom said, "yeah, totally", so either she only heard the first part of that sentence or she could totally see the subtext. *nods*

No, but really, I didn't like her character. I just can't picture Spock falling for a studen of his (or at least someone under his command) and then just kissing her in the elevator and then in the... transportation deck or whatever that place was called. I can't see it. I'm sorry, but I can't. Someone who was trying to be Vulcan so much, to fall for someone and then display it? Nope, not happening.

Who is with me?! Vera?! *g*

Okay, so, yeah. I'm "getting" SPN as we speak and then Bones and Fringe. *giggles* I already have Criminal Minds and Lie to me in my cell phone. Yee!!!!!

PS: Anyone got any links for slash post movie? Anyone? I'm gonna start looking too, but God, I need some slash!!!! I mean, maybe some preslash? Any fic WHATSOEVER? YES!

PEOPLEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M DONE WITH MIDTERMS!!!! AND... I think I did them pretty freaking well!!!! *BOUNCES*

I'm so happy! DUde, I have only studied for those stupid exams for seven days straight. *sniff* I've been going to bed around two am the whole week, and up around seven. God. I'm tired.

But!!! Huge but! I haven't watched: Wolverine, Star Trek or Angels and Demons. I'm gonna go with my mom to the movies in a little while! To watch one of them all!!!

Now, off to the movies and then to sleep for a whole eight hours.