with.your.eyes.open

After days of thinking of nothing but the great move of 2009 (which might happen later than we thought it would, meaning very late 09), well, I finally have the right frame of mind to sit down and open my Word and click on the right file and stare at the same last paragraph I had written on "A Shadow Across", about four months ago. However, and this a big however, I stared at it for a minute before actually writing, and getting past the point where I had hit that writer's block, and then finishing the scene in three swift paragraphs.

Amazing, I tell you. *g*

Okay, so remember I promised I was gonna work on the dead!Cohens story. First, I need to change the name of the file from "death story" to either "A Season in Hell" or "Out of the blue and into the black". I'm still a little torn. *shrugs*

I have a pretty idea of what I want. I tend to, before jumping into a story like this. I don't want it to be too long, but you know I tend to suck at stuff like that. I'm thinking, 25k? Thirty, at the most. I want to finish it before the end of the semester, so. August? Okay, that's good. Done before August 31th, what ya think? *nods* I think five months is more than enough. I will be working in this story and in "A Shadow Across" at the same time. I have today to write, so I want to see if I can get some more work done in chapter eight of ASA. I think I know what was wrong with it, with the feeling of it. Why I was having so much trouble. I had gone off into a tangent, but I can fix it. I'm pretty sure I can.

I'm not going to delete anything, because I think life is much more complicated that one gives it credit for. When it rains, it pours, right? I think that's what happened. Everything happened at once, and no matter Ryan hated me, wanted nothing more than to dig a hole and crawl into it. *nods* I totally understand him. My poor woobie.

*nods* That said, off to take a shower and then write. Good plan.

I just thought I should warn you all that I might never ever update A Shadow Across again.

Why, you wonder? Because writing this scene is like PULLING TEETH!

I hate it. I mean, not the scene [second scene in chapter eight. yeah, that scene, the one that hates me because they have so much fucking baggage, damn it!]. Or yeah, the scene. I'm not sure. Maybe. I have to... Damn it. It sucks, because I want to talk about it and at the same time I don't because I don't wanna spoil it and right now the only one that's really on the loop is 60schic and she's not online at the moment as to hold my hand. Damn it. *crumbles*

Stupid Seth and Stupid Ryan and Stupid bridge between the then and the now. *bitches*

If there's anyone online, poke me. I'll be on AIM (same login) for a while. *nods*

I have to start by saying that it feels like we've gotten as high as 35oC even though the weather forecast says that it's only 27oC. I don't believe them.

I need to write something. *grumbles* I need to actually write something. I mean, I finished chapter seven of "A Shadow Across" (yey for me, means I can actually update that story soon!), but I want to finish a short story so I can cross it from my To Do List v3.0. I have one too many storylines stuck in my brain. Too many. And I need to talk about them with someone but my alpha readers have left me for their lives. *sniff* Anyone up for the job? *g*

Okay, so remember how I said I was probably only about 20k from the end of the story? Of A Shadow Across? I'm starting to doubt that.

There's so much I want to write! *sighs* And besides, I've realized that I can't get the boys together just yet. It wouldn't work! It wouldn't... not after [me being very mean and kinda ki----- one of the characters and] everything and crap. I need to find a way. *sighs*

Don't you all just hate it when the stories take over?

I'm torn. I live being torn, but besides that, I'm so freaking... ARGH!!!

I want to post "A Shadow Across" (because I miss the love, I ACCEPT IT), but at the same time I don't. Because I haven't finished it yet! And so far, the only two stories I've finished (Yelling and Shadowboxing) are the two I finished BEFORE posting. *sniff*

Help, anyone?

There's so much I have to say.

As of 10.52pm today I became a NaNoWriMo 2007 Winner.



My word count so far is:

50,094 / 50,000 (100.2%)

And I say so far because the story is not yet done. I'm thinking, another 10k? Yeah. Hmm. Maybe?

I'm so proud of myself, because I was able to do this, yet another year, even though it has been a bit difficult, with school and real life and whatnot.

Now... for the not so writing related news.

Jose got a job. Yes, that's amazing, considering it's been a year almost to the month since he finished school. There's a bit of a complication, though. It's in Spain. And we live in Peru. Yep. On the other side of the freaking Atlantic.

How am I taking it? Well, we talked about it before he so much as sent his CV, so it's not like he just kinda sprung this on me, you know? It's one year. One year I won't see him, and though that might seen lie not much for some of you, for the both us? It's huge.

We're setting everything up (he leaves on march) so we can actually survive this. So far, I'm getting a new cell phone, so I can call him anytime (international roaming anyone?) and it's this PDA phone so I can send him emails and send him pictures and stuff. My current cell phone is five years old and it's... well, it's a brick, it's putting it lightly. *g*

I'm... taking the good things that will come out of this, so I can actually handle this. I'm focused on my new cell phone and the ipod I'm getting as a present from him and my new cell phone and that he will send me money and my new cell phone... The thing is, though it might sound selfish, I'm focusing on that because it truly breaks my heart that he's leaving. We've been together for six years and one month and eight days. I love him to death. I... I don't know how to face a year without him, except trying my very best and taking a deep breath.

I think you might hear a lot about this for the next couple of months, and then about how I miss him to pieces for the next year. *nods*

Okay. Day before and so far:

49,113 / 50,000 (98.2%)

I can totally get over 50k today. Only, the story isn't DONE! NOT YET! IT NEEDS MORE! *swears under her breath*

Very quick question. How long would it take for a plane to go from Providence, RI to Oklahoma City? *ponders*

Word count so far: 42k

My computer crashed again last night, and I was so desperate that I think it made me sick to my stomach. Literally. I was throwing up and with the shakes. I think it might have been something I ate, too, but dude, it felt like it was the comp.

But it's back now. Apparently, IT WASN'T THE HARD DRIVE but the stupid cables and I might have spent 180 bucks on something I didn't really need. *hits head against desk*

Anyway. I need some love. I do, I do. *sighs* I still kinda feel like crap.

( NaNo preview )

I've finally caught up with my word count.

32,847 / 50,000 (65.7%)

God. And there's so much left unsaid! I wonder if I will really finish the story by the time November 30th comes along. *sighs* Who would have thought 50000 words wouldn't be enough?

Just so you know, and just so I remember, I'm mentioning it here. Last night, yesterday, was the day of revelations. The story finally made sense, in a very wicked way, but it made sense. More than it had in a very long time. Hell, more than it did even at the beginning. I knew I wanted to write this story, and I had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen, I just didn't know why I wanted to write it.

Last night, I realized it.

And let me tell you, it wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to have angst and the Cohens (THERE WILL BE COHENS, I'M JUST AS AMAZED AS YOU!) were never supposed to know. But there is angst, and they will find out, and I didn't know until last night. God.

It all happened because this new character of mine (she doesn't even have a name) made this small comment (getting arrested) and then... dude. *giggles* I'm weird.

This story just got ten times more complex that I thought it would be. Damn it. I thought it'd be this almost romantic piece of fluff, but turns out, I really CAN'T write anything without angst. And I should have known, considering Ryan didn't get Sandy as his lawyer and he did get thrown out on his ass and holy shit, I should have known better.

I knew a few of the flasbacks I wrote back in chapter two might have to get rewritten, given more depth. I'd rather not, but it might. I'd have to talk it out with both popmusicjunkie and 60schic. *sighs*

This story has just made a turn for the worse. I mean, I knew it would have, at some point. I knew... I knew what I had in mind, but I didn't think I'd have to spell it out until 60schic asked totally understandable question in answer to my own question. I thought I was being clear, I really did, but then I realized I was only being clear to myself because I have these ideas running through my brain, that aren't on the story. I thought... you could assume. But you can't. Not this.

So I wrote it. I didn't think... I didn't know. *sighs* Oh, shit.

Oh my god, I still have... like 4500 words left to write today. And all this because stupid life gets in the way.

I gotta say that the pep talks we've been getting from published writers are freaking amazing. It's not really what they say but how they say it and the fact that it makes me smile and chuckle and then nod along and go, "YES, EXACTLY!" I love that. *g*

And because even though I've written about 2800 words today I still need at least another 4k to go, an excerpt. *nods* I need the love.

( SPOILERS )

I'm still writing, I'm still writing!

This past week has totally sucked. I've had three papers to give in and a test on Friday to top it off, which means that now I'm a little bit behind. I can totally make up for it today, though. I plan to, at least.

Quick question, though. I was considering Ryan being asked about tutoring a few of the local kids, from ten to twelve, in math and stuff. Because it's the school year and the kids that went off to college aren't home, I thought Ryan would be a safe bet, but right now I'm starting to doubt it. Taking in consideration that Ryan only got as far as sophomore year of high school, and the people in town don't know that, would they assume he finished high school? And would that be enough to tutor math and geometry? Would Ryan even remember?

*ponders*

There was a day this week that I only wrote 200 words, and then last night that I was too tired to do more than add a sentence to one paragraph, and now today. Which means that today I had to write 5000 words. I'm about 4k short. *sighs*

I'm planning on at least writing a bit more, for a couple of hours, until I'm only 1k short. One way or the other, because I have this stupid paper due on Monday and I need to get it done all day tomorrow, so I might not write more than my share tomorrow. *sighs* Stupid school getting in the way.

So far, I'm pretty happy with where the story is going. I think. Yeah. Pretty much. It might need some serious second read on December and help from all my alpha and beta readers, but yeah. So far, so good. *g*

13,631 / 50,000 (27.3%)

It's late and I'm dead tired, but because of that day when I only wrote 200 words, I'm still far behind. *grumbles*

And because I miss the love (I need to update Shadowboxing SOON), I'm posting a preview:

( yeah. here. )

Right now I'm at...

12,332 / 50,000 (24.7%)

and I'm a bit under 2000 words behind. *grumbles*

I'm off to bed.

11,314 / 50,000 (22.6%)

I'm still 1200 words behind, because last night I only wrote, like, 300 words. *grumbles* I might fall even further behind tomorrow, because I have class until 8pm and I don't think I'll come home with any energy to write. I'll catch up on Friday, and then FINALLY catch up on Saturday. *g* Off to bed. *g*

Very quick, before going to bed.

8,551 / 50,000 (17.1%)

Right now I'm... 2300 words behind, because last night I only managed 300 before I had to actually do a paper due today. *grumbles* I don't know how much I'll be able to write tomorrow, but by God I will try to do my best. Otherwise, the weekend is young, right? *g*

MY NEW BED! *bounces*