with.your.eyes.open

You know what happens when you stopped doing regular workout on March and then tonight you decide that you feel "heavy" and you might have put on a few pounds (you haven't touched a scale since way before March) and you figured today is a good day to start workout as any?

Yes, 42 minutes later (amazingly good, Perfect in ten: Abs and Lower body, 10 minute work out -- that's actually 42 -- EVERYONE SHOULD BUY IT!) everything hurts. Your toes hurt. Your legs and arms have stopped feeling anything at all about five minutes ago and have gone deep in NUMB and if that wasn't enough? Yes, you feel bone tired.

And yet... it's strangely good. And energizing... I had almost forgotten how good PAIN can feel like. No, really. Everyone that's stopped going to gym for a while and then gone back again remembers this feeling. God, I love gyms, but they are way too expensive for me and this 42 work out that I can do BEFORE MY COMPUTER it's just PERFECT.

I've gotten hold of about 10 work out videos, and yes, a few of Pilates and Yoga, and though they aren't my cup of tea, I'm certainly going to try them one more time to see how they go. But this one? Oh, this one is MY ULTIMATE FAVORITE. It has everything I have ever loved of working out. Without the machines! I just need this video and Tanna actually doing THE WORKOUT WITH ME and I'm set. Totally.

Wanna bet I lose a few pounds before the end of the year? And for that alone, I'm totally gonna go buy myself a scale tomorrow. I am, because I need to know how heavy I am right now and how much I can lose before 2010. I knew this was gonna be a good year... it just took a little time for it to become true. *g*

For days (weeks, damn it), I've been trying to make myself write this post. I haven't because I'm an idiot and spending very little time on the computer and even less writing (it's November, why aren't I up to my neck in storylines DAMN IT!!!!). So far this November has sucked horribly because I can't seem to find my muses. I'm barely writing ASA as it is, even though I am pushing myself it finish it as much as I humanly can.

And yet, YET, someone gave me a gift THAT TOTALLY MAKES ME GRIN WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT! Thanks so much jassylou for giving me a one year paid account and icons. I LOVE YOU. I do, I do.

*HUGGLES TIGHT*

I owe you an apology for not posting this before, but ohmygod, even two weeks later, it still makes me grin like an idiot!

This post does not count as a November post. It doesn't. For me it's totally October 31st. Why? Because the whole damn day was insane and then, if that wasn't enough, there was this Halloween party organized by Jose's family that I COULD NOT GET OUT OFF and ended up going (not costumes needed, thank god), and had quite a rotten time. It was far away, which meant I had to hitch a ride with Jose's parents and then come back with them, and if that wasn't enough, I was reminded of the reason I don't go out to parties without my damn boyfriend -- I have no one to talk to, no one I really want to talk to, no one to dance with at all!

It's not November 1st. Because I have even finished figuring out what I'm going to write for NaNo09 of which I ended up signing for just in case I can make the 1600 words, but I'm more certain I can cut it for mini_nanowrimo. 600 words a day? I can do that. It's just a matter of choosing something and doing it. I didn't want to pick up ASA once again because that's just pathetic, three years in a row -- I should be shot for that. But I still have a good five scenes to get done, so just to push it over the final line (otherwise I'll think of something else all month and by December I'll be all written out and then won't pick it up again until January. So, I'll finish that and then... what about the sequel to Endless? Or the sequel to "In the second we are judged". Hey. That could actually work...

Hmm... but ASA first!!!!!

I need to ask a question to everyone out there that has graduated....

How long after finals (college, I mean, Seth studied English in Brown, to be more exact) is the graduation ceremony? I mean, if you finish in the Spring semester, around mid June, when would the graudation be??

Any and all answers will help me to finish ASA. Thanks!

It's been ages, I know. But I have a good excuse. *nods* I totally do. Not only RL became a pain in the ass, but then the muses weren't even talking to me. That's a good excuse as any.

Now, things are different though. I think there will only be three more chapters, four, tops, because now I'm a couple of scenes from the ending and it's all looking like it might be done before the end of the month. I want it to be done before then, so I can start NaNo wit a clean slate, but who knows. *g*

Title: A Shadow Across
Chapter: Chapter ten
Pairing: Ryan/Seth.
Category: Future fic. First time.
Spoilers: AU to the whole show. *g* I'm evil like that.
Author's note: Written and winner of NaNo2007.
Special thanks: To 60schic for the amazing beta. Thanks babe! And no, this isn't the ending. Who would have thought? *g*

( And if Ryan tells himself he's not hiding from Seth, not since he came with lunch and they sat together in awkward silence and then Seth left just as quietly as he had come, well, he really isn't. )

Today is my 8th anniversary. Eight years with the guy I've loved for a just a little over that... it's great, it should be great, at least. Only it's not. He's in stupid Sevilla and I'm at home and it's not great at all.

I'm fine, most of the time, 95% of the time I'm fine with the distance, I can take it, I'm strong. But. And here is when it gets weird and I get all girly on you. Sometimes it's not. Like today. I call him bright and early to tell him "Happy Anniversary" and he was more asleep than awake. He told me how he's kinda getting the flu and then I ask him what he's doing later, and he says, "I'm going out with my girl," and, I know him, he was telling it in jest but it kinda cut to the bone. We are not on the same zip code to even try to go out on a date. We can't go out to the movies as usual, we can't go out to a nice dinner afterwards. We can't do anything, and that's just a little bit painful.

I'm moping, yeah. I think I've got a bit of a right.

I'm so not liking this anniversary...

Part one | Part two

( For a second, Tony thinks about mentioning Sophie Cohen. Only, there's nothing to mention. )

That said, what did everyone else thought? Are you even still reading me? Or reading OC for that matter? *g*

Oh, and on more amazing news, I'm writing A Shadow Across. No, really. I'm like, really writing it. Close to writing it's ending! It's that amazing. *g*

I know it's been ages since I last posted a short story. It has been my muses' fault and the three moves in four months and everything just kinda getting together and making my life a pain in the ass.

But now things are all right in the world once again. I'm finally leaving in my amazingly new apartment, with my brand new computer, and writing. I couldn't ask for anything more.

And on top of that, yesterday was my darling 60schic's BIRTHDAY! Yes, one less year on her cake (because we are girls and we are all young and pretty *g*). And for that, darling, for that? I have for you a story!!!!

Title: In the second we are judged
Author: M. F. Luder
Pairing: Ryan/Seth
Rating: PG-13
Category: Angst, because this is me still being me. And it could almost count as Gen. Might even.
Challenge: For fanfic100 and 88. school. The rest of the stories can be found at Big Damn Table.
Author's note: Thanks to larky_bird for the quick and amazing beta. Thanks!!!

Part one | Part two

( The sun is high in the midmorning, Berkeley weather announcing it would be a sunny April day.  )

Because it's that day of the year, there's only one thing I can say,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, 60schic!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you're having an amazing time in your trip, and I know I should already have posted your bday story, but I haven't gotten it from the beta yet. I'm sure I'll have it post it in the morning.

*huggles tight* Enjoy your day!!!!

I'm only now catching up, I know, I KNOW!!!

( Okay, so... )

Dude. I just spent the last five hours downloading horror movies. No, really. Karen, Pedro and me have this thing were we meet, about once a month, to watch horror movies. Yes. I might get the crap scared out of me, but I keep on watching it. Or hiding on Karen's skinny little arm. Whatever works best. *g*

I think I just might have scared myself all alone, in my bedroom. *looks over her shoulder* I'm reminded of the nights I spent reading Martha's amazing stories. I love her, she's amazing, but she can also write creepy and scary like nobody's business.

No, really. I dare anyone REC ME a story that scares you the most. I might make a meme out of this.

Post here the story that scared you the most. Scared so bad, you kept on looking over you shoulder, out the door of your room/study and then at night, couldn't quite close your eyes.

Yes.

For me, it was Martha's Sentinel story, Snake Oil. I was scared for days. I kept thinking about it and going back to it in my mind and just scaring myself silly. Or was it Unsleeping? No, wait. There's a tie. Both of them scared me shitless. *nods* Totally.

What about you?

MONOPOLY.

Dude. Jose, Kelly (that's his little sister, she's 16 now) and I used to kick ass in Monopoly. We totally destroyed the first one (the one Jose had from when he was a kid). We picked up the game about year three or four into our relationship, Kelly was like, 12. All three of us became obsessed. Totally. We would play for hours and hours. The old set was so trashed, Kelly asked her mom for a new for Christmas, and got it. We three decided we weren't going to use it until we wrapped in contact paper. Everything. From the board to the Questions (I'm not sure how they are called in English), to the Property cards to the MONEY. I WRAPPED IN CONTACT PAPER THE MONEY. YES. We were insane.

Of course Kelly's Monopoly still looks brand new because of the contact paper. God. We were insane.

Arguments? Dude. Half the game was arguments! And throwing popcorn at each others faces! We once spent a New Year's just playing Monopoly and eating Tequeños (local wrapped thingy filled with cheese). No, really. Jose and I were/are that pathetic. *g*

DUDE.

STAR TREK. DUDE. STAR TREK IS OUT ON DVD!!!

*dies a little bit inside*

IT CAME OUT SIX DAYS AGO. HOW COME I DIDN'T KNOW!!?!?!?!!?!! *keeps on dying*

I can't stop staring at the countdown. It's gonna take another hour and something but IT'S NOT SOON ENOUGH! I WANT IT NOW! I WANT IT!!!! *cries*

Vera!!!! You must understand!!!!!!

Okay, I'm not putting this behind a tag because I know Vera watches the show but I'm pretty sure it's just her and me in my flist.

I was fine with the romance, up until the kiss, that is. I don't like characters getting involved on the show, mostly because it can kill everything else for me. *sighs* I mean, it wasn't as painful and horrible for me to watch as Sarah and my darling Grissom, that's for sure, but very little is. I'm still waiting for Lancelot to find his way back into the show so Gwen can stare at him, though. *g*

Did you notice how Arthur was all about being nice and fair to Gwen, about being "humble" and at the same time, being an ass to Merlin? Yeah, me too. *sighs*

I miss season one. Okay, not so much miss because my mom is watching it an the moment. She's about to finish "The moment of truth" and I miss the feet, damn it! *giggles*

Dude, I was gonna post how I was freaking out because I had to wait 40 minutes for the new Merlin episode, but a friend came by to drop off a disk (I live close enough that people can DROP BY! That didn't use to happen to me!!!!) and now it's only five minutes left on the clock.

DUDE!!!!!

Dude. I love G. I totally utterly love G. I cannot not love him. I just can't. *nods* I even have an icon!!! *bounces*

Caps this way... ( A few samples: Image heavy )

Remember that comments are love and you totally should let me know if you're downloading. It's just fair, right? *g*

Now, off to stare at my Word screen because Lysa temps me with prettiness and I'm too weak to say no. *sighs*

And went started looking for names of boys with G.

Yeah, I did. I can't help it!

Gabriel
Gale
Galvin
Gardner
Garret
Garrick
Garth
Gavin
George
Gerald, Gerard, Gerret
Gideon
Gifford
Gilbert
Giles
Gilroy
Glenn
Goddard
Godfrey
Godwin
Graham
Grant
Grayson
Gregory
Gresham
Griswald, Griswold
Grover
Guy

So, there. I found those. Hmm. I'm not sure G is a Gregory. He doesn't look like a Gregory... Gabriel I could buy. Gideon I could buy too. Would have to be a Solid Manly Name, you know? I like Grayson as well. Graham. Dude, I'm torn! Four very good names. there for me, the rest, not so much.

What do you guys think? *bounces*

This is where things get funny. I watched Supernatural last night and it... didn't do it for me. Like, zilch. I think I was expecting so much that nothing could have come up close to it, you know?

( I wanna say a few more things, so under the cut )

And on another more amazing note... DID ANYONE ELSE SAW FLASHFORWARD?

PEOPLE!!!

FLASHFORWARD! on Sci-Fi. You must see it. YOU MUST.

And those who did. I mean, really. Who can resist the temptation of making a crossover of FF with your favorite fandom? I mean, really. I keep trying to picture what Ryan saw, Seth, Kirsten, Sandy and even Sophie. Or anyone else for that matter.

What would I have seen? DUDE!

I saw the pre-air and the quality sucked, but I totally fell in love with it the second it was on. Creepy and fantastic and holy shit I want it to be Thrusday again, not for SPN, but for FF!!!! *bounces*

Just finished watching NCIS LA. Dude.

I love Callen. Not only I've always loved Chris O'Donnell, but this character they've got him playing. Dude. Really. I LOVE HIM.

Not ten minutes into the new show, and the way he looked at the tech guy, Eric something, dude. THERE'S HISTORY THERE. THERE IS!!!

Oh, and after what happened to him? God. I wanna fix him. Or write an OMC for which G falls in love and wants to actually have a life with. No, really. That's the kind of thing, the whole almost dying thing, that makes people want to change their lives. And why not stop being all about the work and actually have a life? Fall in love? Maybe, MAYBE, settle down with someone (a male someone, yes). God. I want a guy to fix him!!!!! *whimpers*

I'm weak. I know. *sniff* But I want to!!!!!!

PS: Also, my brain keeps going over the whole G name. I'm pretty sure he's going to try to find out about his past now. But even if he doesn't, my brain keeps imagining this new guy he's settled into life with, that after G tells him everything (months, of course, it would take months) about his past and his undercover work (not that he'd specify, but he might cave in enough to say that he did undercover), and talks about being only called G (or maybe this could be the start? I mean, you ask for the guy's name and he's called G? Yeah, that'd be the start). So, G tells him he's only called G, and the guy kinda tilts his head to the side and says, "really?". And then a few weeks after, the guy says, "maybe we could change that into a name, you know?" And they find Callen a name.

What are nice names with G? Besides Gregory, because that reminds me too much of House. *g*

See? Totally insane!

So, I just got back from picking up my new set of lenses. The one I had, I bought them back in October or November of 2007. So, almost two years. And back in June I bought a new set of contact lenses, after renewing my prescription. And now I've got the new set of lenses with the brand new prescription. I can barely see. No, really. Everything is moving and apparently that's because I'm even more of a bat lately. Crap. Almost two years and I'm going blinder! Dude. I can't read the big E.

I CAN'T READ THE BIG E. NO, FOR REAL.

*grumbles* My gran got herself glasses as well and she can read the fifth line. ALL BY HERSELF. DUDE. NO FAIR!!! *cries*

And I'm pretty sure feeling blind was what got Shadowboxing started. *shrugs*